If you have a child in rep hockey this can be a crazy and stressful time of year. THE TRYOUT. Vying for positioning on teams they want to play on. We have been through it before and we will go through it again. Managing expectations, encouraging and always supporting our son. Always managing our own projections around what we think is best or managing any projections our own unrealized childhood dreams on to him.
This year our son was back in the position of questioning whether he should tryout for the Bantam AAA team again. You see he had been cut last year and it was the fourth time in his time playing hockey that he had been cut from a team that a community of people told him he should never have been cut from. Not only a tough pill for a kid to swallow but a tough one to accept that it happened four times. Why that was happening to him….well that’s a whole other blog. LOL But here’s what we learned through the process for our son in taking the risk to tryout again…
1. YOU WILL WANT TO STAY COMFORTABLE
When it comes to levelling up there will always be a part of you that wants to stay where you are at. You will want to stay with people you know, with the people you are loyal to and where you already know you play well. You will want to stay there because we are programmed to want to survive as human beings, not to thrive. I know it seems counterintuitive but its true. We want to stay in that which we know.
Anytime we are in a position of growth it will be uncomfortable, Accept it.
2. THERE WILL BE A PERIOD OF INDECISION
When you start to open up to the possibility of what could be. When you really allow yourself to consider you could make that next team it will be difficult to know what is the exact “right” choice. Then the “what ifs” creep in. “What if I do make it?” “What if I don’t make it?” “What if I just stay where I am now?” and the dreaded “What will other people think?”
Confusion is a very high state of mental functioning and means you are coming to a decision, Allow it.
3. EVERYONE WILL HAVE AN OPINION IF YOU ASK THEM
Seeking the advice of others is a common thing to do when in a state of indecision around what is best. Here’s the thing…everyone has an opinion and everyone’s opinion is based on their own experience. Their experience is not YOUR experience. People will make judgments based on their model of the world. The best thing to do is find your most trusted people. Those that will push you and respect your decisions all at the same time. When my son was in a state of indecision, I also ran him through a technique called “The Four Magic Questions” for decision making. Do you know where he got his answers?! From right inside himself, he just needed to see it on paper.
You have all the answers inside of you, you just need the right people to help bring them out, Resource them.
4. GET CLEAR ON WHAT YOU WANT
So what is the big picture you have for yourself? My brother, founder of Sovereign Sports Management Scott Oswin, www.ssmagents.com (and yes a shameless plug LOL) repeatedly asked my son this question. What do you want? And then he listened to him when he expressed what he saw for himself. Once my son got clear on what he wanted so did his path and his choices.
Creating the picture in your head of what you WANT not what you don’t want gives you clarity, create your Vision.
5. THE HEAT WILL TURN UP
In other words this is what we call the “bifurcation point”. This is when you will get tested on your resolve. Is this truly what you want? And yes it happened to my son during his tryouts. The details of that are not important but his resolve and character was challenged. But because he was clear on his decision and clear on what he wants he was able to stay focused and move through the outside forces designed to question and install doubt and worry.
When you’re in a position of growth, doubt and worry are common, move through them, stay Focused.
6. DO THE WORK AND KEEP MOVING FORWARD
The first five learnings were all about my son learning about and becoming who he wants to BE. This last learning is all about Doing. This is where action takes place. You see any time you’re gonna take a risk you have to stay in action. You may be uncomfortable. You may experience indecision. There will be no shortage of people with opinions. The heat will get turned up. You will be forced to get really clear on what you want and all the while you need to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Show up and play at a 100%.
We want to Do what we want, to Have what we want, so we can Be who we want to Be. My son showed me how to Be who you are, to Do what you love, to Have what you want. It all starts with who you are BEING.
Yes my son taught us a lot this week about taking risks. Did he make the AAA team?…
Does it matter?